I'm a Goan woman, working in Mumbai as the founder of a studio called Totem Creative. I try to make the world happier, safer and more meaningful. I believe education, knowledge and awareness, art, writing and creating Social Impact are my means to achieve that end.



Saturday, March 31, 2007

Trivia - This Will Shock You!!!

This Will Shock You!!!.....9-11 Trivia
This is actually really freaky!! (mainly the end part, but read it all first)
1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destr oy the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65 passengers. 6+5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911. 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your o wn mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004 . 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book: "For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace." That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran. unconvinced about all of this Still ..?!
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers .
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change t he font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
What do you think now?!!

Friday, March 30, 2007

If only men would listen....

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
Woman yells out window, "PIG!"
Man yells back out window, "BITCH!"
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.

Thought for The Day: If only men would listen....

Thursday, March 29, 2007

(J) TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!! DO READ!!!!!!!!


These are actual 'Bride Wanted' ads taken from matrimony site shaadi.com . Do you think any would be suitable for me? Pls shortlist.
Do NOT

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter... Thanks yours Regards Shekhar

(Hmm...I've never been to Bangalroe. Where is it?)

...................................................................................................................................................................................................

i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Homework?!)

....................................................................................................................................................................................................

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you

(No, thank YOU)

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she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(Im educated and I have a tea service, but sadly no brother...unlucky me)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on .........hold my hand forever !!!

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......

(Beware. This one's a couch potato)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast

(By not wearing her jeans? What the hell...)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD.. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL, THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(Yep, we're all loughing)

......................................................................................................................................................................................................

whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp

(Clueless. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants?)

......................................................................................................................................................................................................

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(Ok patner)

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................

HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

(TOTALLY clueless)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred

(Ah, marred. And complitly too)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(Well-traveled family man)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(Talk about desperation!)

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Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy.. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.

(Yes, bye bye)

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................

iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(ehh?!!)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT

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hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...

(Well, acceptance is the key to a good marriage)

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service

(Zebra..??)

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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

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to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable

(Oh dear! I'm too late!)

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i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani.

........................................................................................................................................................................................................

ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.

(Wow, who's this jewel?)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Educate yourself!


Hey guys n gals, we all should know this and shudnt be a victim of rumours such
as the "pani puri" thing....
----ANIKET----

This is really good in puttin to rest al d rumours recently about AIDS....
PLz read this mail even if u think u kno a lot about AIDS...
Nikhil

Hi,

This mail has been written by Mayank who works in Ranbaxy. So go through it and know about the actual causes of HIV(AIDS).

The purpose of sending this mail to U is to be aware of the nonsense stuff from the net, don't panic if you find a Needle in the Theatre or some threatening note of infection.

Dear Friends!!!
Its good to be well informed about HIV. There was a story on junk some days back where it is said that a boy got infected by HIV virus by eating pani-puri. And there have also been rumors where people are affected by the HIV virus when they got pricked by an HIV infected needle in theaters which is rubbish. So read along!

RANBAXY....
I have seen this below mentioned mail floating across group email & I feel its my moral responsibility to correct all misconceptions regarding HIV /AIDS. I can do this because I am educated enough to comment on this and for
those who don't know my profession ...I am serving as Brand Manager (Product Manager) handling anti HIV/AIDS portfolio (called as Antiretroviral Drugs) in Ranbaxy.

Please read following points carefully & don't send emails related to Medical ailments without having complete knowledge about it (even partial knowledge could be grossly dangerous).

1) HIV (virus) requires *ONLY* *Blood or Semen* as medium to transmit from one body to another.

2) HIV *can not* transmit even through *Saliva*(mucous) i.e. even if HIV-infected patient coughs or smooches and another person is exposed to his sputum (cough) or saliva, the virus still can not transmit because concentration of virus particles in sputum is almost NIL & exposure to air anyway kills virus in fraction of seconds.

3) In case an HIV-infected person gets an injury (like the cut in below mentioned story) and he is bleeding, the virus can transmit to another person only if another person has a cut/wound in his body & that too when blood from both person comes in contact with each other (this is also very very rare unless bleeding is very high) and not otherwise.

4) HIV can *never survive in any other liquid* medium also other than blood or semen (& please for God sake ... never in Pani Puri wala pani)

5) Even if one drinks an HIV infected blood (or semen) of someone (ingest through Gastro Intestinal track), the virus can not survive in the acidic pH of stomach*. Highest extent of acidity is 0 (practically not possible) so imagine 1 as pH which is in our stomach. (This pH can burn your own finger in less than a second if you dip in that acid).

6) Exposure of less than 1 second in AIR KILLS the HIV virus*(hence story of needle pricks in Cinema theatres is a crap). Even if blood from a wound (of infected person) dries up (*blood clot*), *the virus dies*and can not infect anyone else

7) HIV transmission is *ONLY* an *INFECTION* i.e.entrance of virus in one's body. It *DOES NOT MEAN AIDS*.

8) An HIV-infected person (after entrance of virus) can progress to a condition of AIDS only after *8 to 10 YEARS *(not in 15 days as in the Pani Puri story)

9) It is *not HIV (virus) that kills a human* .....the virus attacks immune cells (cells that fight against foreign pathogens/antigens) and hence a person's ability to fight against infections & diseases slowly diminishes and person ultimately dies of a disease which could be as simple as TB

10) Most importantly, HIV is no longer a dreadful disease ... it is "CHRONIC MANAGEABLE DISEASE" just like Diabetes or Hypertension.

11) If there is anything you need to be careful from to prevent HIV is Unsafe sex, Blood transfusion (check before taking) /Blood donation (use sterilized needles only) and any blood contact during an accident or so where amount of bleeding is very high.

PLZ O PLZ spread this message to avoid rumors and to educate people.
I was sent this mail by a dear friend.So plz spread it everyone n show
u care.

The Broken Pot

The Broken Pot

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck to fetch water from the stream. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. But at the end of the long walk from the stream to the water bearer's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots water to his house.

Of course, the intact pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection. And miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been created to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "Water bearer, I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to work hard, but you don't get all that your efforts deserve," the pot said.

The bearer smiled and said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. So I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walked back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace my house."

Moral Each of us has our own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots. But it is the cracks and flaws we each have together that make our lives so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Try to solve this problem!

Hey,

Try to solve this problem.......

Don't give it up so easily.

Best of Luck ..............

IF
1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?

Think.......

Scroll down for Answer

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Answer is 1

Are you thinking too much?
Going off the track?
Do not keep forgetting the history!

Remember the first line? 1=5?

THE MORAL IS ..........

Don't complicate simple problems.... :-) :-) :-)

13 signs of Falling in Love



***13 signs of falling in love***

13. When you’re on the phone with them late at night and they hang Up...
but you miss them already when it was just two minutes ago that u spoke to them...

12. You read her/his text messages over and over again...

11. You walk really slowly when you're with her/him...

10. You feel shy whenever you're with them...

9. When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster...

8. You smile when you hear her/his voice...

7. When you look at her, you can't see the other people around You... All you see is him/her...

6. Seeing him/her sad makes u feel sad...

5. They become ALL you think about...

4. However much time u spend of them...it never is enough...

3. You realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think About her/him...

2. You would do anything for them...

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole Time.....

Men Vs. Women's English!!

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

Stand up for God

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and
time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the
past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few
blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep
her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she
decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end
as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round
her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man
and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been
raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have
been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she
decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see
if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the
alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down
and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was
anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know
that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God?

Vocab

The person who invented this sentence is either a Vocabulary GENIUS or
is absolutely JOBLESS .

Why?

You'll soon find out!!!

Read the sentence below carefully...

"I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing
handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality
counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications
incomprehensibleness".

This is a sentence where the nth word is n letters long.

e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Race

It was a sports stadium. Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event. * Ready! * Steady! * Bang!!!

With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running. Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.

When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down. One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.

All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached the winning post. Officials were shocked. Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.

Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!

YES. This happened in Hyderabad [ INDIA ], recently ! The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health [NIMH]. All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children. Yes, they were mentally retarded. What did they teach this world?

Teamwork, Humanity, Equality and LOVE...

Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are
not left far behind.

Isn't this messg worthy enough to share with others... spread it!!!

(J) Kidnapped

A Sardarji who was down on his luck decided to make some money by kidnapping a kid and holding him to ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, dragged him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs 2 lakhs in a paper bag and put the paper bag beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground". Signed - A Sardarji.

The Sardarji then pinned the note onto the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough, a paper bag had been placed beneath the mango tree. The boy was sitting next to the bag.

The Sardarji eagerly opened up the bag and found the Rs 2 lakhs in cash with a note that said: "How can one Sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and please let my son go!" Signed - Another Sardarji.

Poor guys out there

Note to all: I found this mail across the web and thought it was really amusing. I'd just like to tell everyone that girls aren't like this, and this is a common misconception made by guys who are insecure!
--
Nikhita

********


Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls

themselves.

It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that
gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency
of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around
with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a
ready reckoner for you:

********

% just a friend %

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I
need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she
might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Rahul: "Where are you going Shilpa??"

Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless
fellow.Hmmph! ).

*******

% Good Friend %

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try
using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Shilpa",

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back.
Bye"

(Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".

Rahul: "Generally".

Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."

Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

********

% Very good friend %

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.

She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on
someone.

Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is
not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me
anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl".

Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"

Shilpa : "My boyfriend."

Rahul: Oh! Ok. :(

********

% Best Friend %

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you.

And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed
to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have
fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having
fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends

Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."

Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

********

% Best of the Bestest Friends %

Ok now you are really special.

You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.

Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.

You take her around.

You make her project.

You do her assignments.

You are allowed to take her doggie around.

You can hold hands on the beach.

You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything
she drags you along).

But but but... Don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a
huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a
flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is
Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

********

% Boyfriend %

Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!

********

Now ~ where you stand?


(J) Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary , he said, "you are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom, Ann and said, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He then turned to the third mom, Joyce and said. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy , quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Teaser - Test for Idiocy

Test for Idiocy

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them
instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?
_______________________________________

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutel! y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place,
so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
_______________________________________

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000 . Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?
_______________________________________

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What
is the ! name of the fifth daughter?
_______________________________________

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
_______________________________________

Okay, now the bonus round:

I may have sent this one before. I! 'm never sure.

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
_______________________________________

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Humanity

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward,holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength.Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked. The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."

The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.

We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.

(J) Husbands for sale

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

*********

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth !

*********

(J) Letter

Father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the etter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway,42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

(J) Divorce

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour.
The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend,
And she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet,
But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..

Up to 60.
"I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph,
The wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."

Moral of the Story :
Women are clever!!! Don't mess with them!!

Just smile and pass this on to those who need a laugh!!!

Monday, March 26, 2007

(J) Light Bulb

A man wanted a few days off work, but he knew his boss wouldn't allow him leave. So he decided on a novel way to get what he wanted. When his co-worker walked into the office the next morning, she found the man hanging upside down from the ceiling, making funny buzzing noises.

Co-worker: "What are you doing?"

Man: "I'm pretending to be a light bulb so the boss will think I'm losing it and give me a few days off."

Before the co-worker could reply, the boss walked in.

Boss: "What are you doing?"

Man (buzzing): "I'm a light bulb."

Boss: "You're clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

The man jumped down and walked out of the office. At once, his co-worker picked up her bag and began to follow him out.

Boss: "And where do you think you're going?"

Co-worker: "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark."

Things that make you smile


Think about each, one at a time, BEFORE going on to the next one...
YOU WILL FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end. I've picked up my favourite ones :P

*********************************************
Laughing so hard your face hurts

No lines at the supermarket

Getting mail that you were waiting for..

Taking a drive on a pretty road

Hearing your favorite song on the radio

Lying in bed listening to the rain outside

Falling in love

A bubble bath

A good conversation

Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter

Laughing at yourself

Running through sprinklers

Laughing for absolutely no reason at all

Laughing at an inside joke

Friends.

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you

Playing with a new puppy

Having someone play with your hair

Sweet dreams

Hot chocolate

Road trips with friends

Holding hands with someone you care about

Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change

Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you

Knowing that somebody misses you

Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply

Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think

*************************************************
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

(J) Think Logical!


There were two nuns..
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
Say two Hail Marys!

(J) Who's in Charge?

The Body

Who's in Charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who the one in charge was.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? The as$hole is usually in charge !!

(J) If men got pregnant!


*IF MEN GOT PREGNANT*

1. Maternity leave would last two years.. with full pay.
2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
14. Women would rule the world!!

Friday, March 16, 2007

(J) Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again!

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University
students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on
which animal:

A) CANARYBIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT

Sardar gives up.

If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at our Sardar's replies,

Then please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA
which means islands of the puppies.

Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever
laugh at a Sardar again

Don't forget that the PrimeMinister of ur country is a sardar..

(J) Gabbar's maths skills!

Gabbar Kitne admi the?

Sambha Sardar, do.

Gabbar Mujhe ginti nahin aati, do kitne hote hain?

Samba Sardar do ek ke baad aata hai.

Gabbar Aur do ke pehle?

Samba Do ke pehle ek aata hai.

Gabbar To beech mein kaun aata hai?

Samba Beech mein koi nahi aata.

Gabbar To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?

Samba Sardar, ek ke baad hi do aa sakta hai, kyun ki do ek se bada hai.

Gabbar Do ek se kitna bada hai?

Samba Do ek se ek bada hai.

Gabbar Agar do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna bada hai?

Samba Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do.

(J) Whisper

Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.''

The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.

The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''

The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''

(J) Old Mrs. Watkins // extra view

I don't know if you've come across this joke. If yes, read it once more thinking that it's a true event.

---------------------------------------------
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by in a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide."

The men shrugged and rowed on. By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. "Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."

Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide." So the boat left, the water rose, and the old woman drowned.

Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.

"For cryin' out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats."

----------------------------------------------

I don't believe in God, myself. But I can atleast say this: if there is a God, you don't need to look for him. Every single little thing you experience does not go without his notice, then. So why do some people need to shout out things like "Trust in God" , "God is with you always" , "Thank Him every hour that you are alive" etc? You do not need to put too much faith in God, because faith or no faith he tries to help. If you ignore anything, you you ignore God. So grab the first opportunity that comes across your path. And stop thinking about Him so much, He already knows what you are going through -- and much of it are designed to suit you and your atmosphere. That said, that I'm an atheist is the will of God. He knows I have a character to be happy without the concept of an almighty overseer, so he builds me in such a way that would deny His very existence.

Don't depend on God so much. Just be happy with what you are and do what that logically suits best, because, remember, whether you want it or not, God always listens whatever you say.

10 Ways to Annoy Cops

10 Ways to Annoy Cops

1. Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"

2. When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."

3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.

4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.

5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.

6. Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.

7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.

8. When he asks you to walk the line, breakedance instead.

9. Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.

10. When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold my beer for a sec?"

(J) Shop

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

(J) 8 monkeys



This is based on an actual experiment conducted in
U.K.)

*They put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of
the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas
hanging from a hook on the ceiling.*

**

*Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the
monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them
miserable.*

**

*Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the
ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be
sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of
the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.*

**

*One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a
new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and
the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys
are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately
begins to climb the ladder.*

**

*All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him
silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer
attempts to climb the ladder.*

**

*A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The
newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all
the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This
includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not on the receiving end this time, participates
in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing
it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new
monkey.*

**

*One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.
Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them
have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them
attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries,
without having any idea why.*

**
*This is how any company's policies get Established