I'm a Goan woman, working in Mumbai as the founder of a studio called Totem Creative. I try to make the world happier, safer and more meaningful. I believe education, knowledge and awareness, art, writing and creating Social Impact are my means to achieve that end.



Friday, June 29, 2007

Who said kids are innocent?


The above is the paper for a UKG exam- Who said kids are innocent?

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Love quote modified! LOL!!

Love quote versions

ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS.... .

Pessimist:
---------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
--------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
----------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
---------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time
forget her.

Patient:
-------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

Playful:
-------
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
* If she comes back,
and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat *

C++ Programmer:
------------ --
if(you-love( m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
------------ --------- -
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
-------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act
clearly states that...

Bill Gates :
----------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :
---------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians : (Apte)
------------ -
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you,
the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger' s fans:
------------ --------
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

so if u have left someone and he/she didnt returned back to u
den forget it
and find a new one
hahahahhahahaha

(J) Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.


When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

" Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report ."

Monday, June 25, 2007

Goa - Heaven!

 An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.  
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church
taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a

sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who
was strolling by what the telephonewas used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line
to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went
along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone
with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China
and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven
and that for $10,000 He could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then travelled to Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Germany and France. In every church he saw the
same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving
Vermont
decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone. He arrived in Goa,
and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the
sign under it read "One Rupee per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about
the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many
churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven but everywhere the price was US $10,000 per
call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Goa now, son - it's a local call".

This is the only heaven on the Earth.

Friday, June 22, 2007

(J) Johnny to IIM

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of
her students.
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny
waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what
the situation was.

The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the Johnny a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave. She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Johnny: "9".

Principal! : "What is 6 x 6?"

Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Johnny
can go to the third-grade. "

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I
ask him?"

The principal and Johnny, both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Johnny: after a moment "Legs."

Ms Neelam:

"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Johnny: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Johnny: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principals eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Johnny was taking charge.

Johnny: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer...

Johnny: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Johnny: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.

Johnny: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala
Vodka peg.

Johnny: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.

Johnny: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Johnny: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat and excitement?

Johnny: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it
u have to use your hand.

Johnny: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?

Johnny: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of
veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Johnny: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

"Send this Johnny to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself!"

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The word 'Villian'

This is a fact my friend Swarna/El gave me-

By the way, do you know the origin of the word "villain" ? In ancient Latin, 'ville' stood for a small habitat -- what we call today a village. the church hated the village people, because most of them didn't follow Christianity, but old pagan religion or sorts of nature-worship, like gypsies. So the church said, "all who lives in the villages [ville] are wicked and enemy of whatever good and faith" and so all "villain" [meaning one who lives in a ville] are bad people. So we still now kill the villains.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Choir class and Politics

"Your have no clue what's happening to the fields!!!" I yelled.
"Arrey that's Babush men!! Not congress! Babush left congress! He's in UGDP now!"
"Okay lets just drop the topic." I said, frustrated.
"Yeah sure" she replied, adjusting her bag strap.
Meand my friend Samantha were chatting about Goan Politics. I had just finished my Choir class with her, and during the class, I had a huge debate with my choir teacher about Politics.
My choir teacher, miss Jean, is a woman of substance. She looks round 55 - 60 years old, but she acts like she's 25. :P Miss Jean has strong views about many things.. Her views are exactly contradictory to mine.

This blog is about Goan politics. Does that make you close this window and read something more pleasant? Hehe! Yeah.. That used to be the way I was. Who wants to read about it? Our country's gone to the dogs, lets face it. NO. It hasn't. We're the future of this country, and we sure ought to know who to vote for when we're older. I can confidently say that 80% of the next generation will be voting for the same parties their parents voted for. I mean - your parents will obviously tell you good about the party they vote for, right? Do u know what other parties have done? Do u think twice? I never did. It's just now that I've started thinking about this.
This blog's about the little that I found out in choir class in that debate with my teacher. I'm just one of those people who hates talking about politics. The problem with me is, I hardly read the papers. I hate reading the newspaper.

My parents have always supported BJP. I've heard and seen what changes the Goan BJP (mainly sir Manohar Parrikar - x-CM of Goa) has made in Goa - the success of the IFFI in approximately 6 months of late notice, the infrastructural development, and peace. Last year, however, the winning party was the congress, and Rane became the CM. He has not changed anything, but neither has he done anything wrong. According to me, the CM is voted upon to make good changes in our state. He seems useless. I guess you must have heard the controversy about the regional plan in Goa. Obviously, like the rest of Goa, I am strongly against it. The regional plan meant cutting down of large forest areas for developmental purposes. This Babush guy (the bloody dog), signed it, and he's one of the most corrupt politicians in the country. He's been bribing people to vote for him. He offers them houses, expensive vehicles and gifts, and ola! he's got a huge bunch of votes for himself. But c'mon guys, if you know that he's such a dog, why do you get bribed?
As my friend Apoorv says, "If you get tempted, take the bikes and flats and whatever, but don't vote for Babush na?!"
Hahaha!! He is soooo right. I just don't get it. I'm glad that Goa's people are still ready to fight for our state. There have been rallies and protests against the regional plan, and because of all the opposition towards it, the government has finally decided not to put it into action.

I hope our Goans are gonna be strong enough to fight against any bullshit brought up by the government, like the regional plan. I hope, that before it's too late, we stop Goa's transformation to a metro like Mumbai. A metro, a crowded place packed with malls and theatres in every small city, and the morning air with a fresh smell of smoke...

(J) Why?

Once president BUSH went to a school to interact with them. After have one brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up;

Bush: what's your name?

John: john

Bush: what is your question?

John: sir I have three questions.

1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?

Bush: you are an intelligent student john....(just then the bell for recess rang)

Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.

After the recess

Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush: What's your name?

Peter: sir I have 5 questions.

1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?
Once president BUSH went to a school to interact with them. After have
one brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question
to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up;

Bush: what's your name?

John: john

Bush: what is your question?

John: sir I have three questions.

1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?

Bush: you are an intelligent student john....(just then the bell for recess rang)

Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.

After the recess

Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush: What's your name?

Peter: sir I have 5 questions.

1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?

Friday, June 15, 2007

(J) Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him." You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Send this to every clever female you know, and to every man who thinks they are smarter than women!!!


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

(J) The Potato Garden


An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: " Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."

(J) Tony's ears

Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears," came the reply.

Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Well," she said stammering, "you have no ears."
Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you know that?", he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!!"



Saturday, June 9, 2007

The Divorce Letter

The Divorce Letter !

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone..

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife
________________________________________________

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I Had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

(J) Cocktail of Channels

Dad, Rahul and Preeti loved watching television. The three of them always fought as to who will watch what. Their mother wouldn't interfere with their fights. Each one would snatch the remote and keep changing channels. Rahul wanted to watch the cricket match, Preeti wanted to watch the cookery show and Dad the Political news.

This is what their mother heard one day:

In the parliament today...Nehra bowled his first over...and is washed away in boiling water....The finance minister...went straight into the hands of Tendulkar...and is sliced into pieces.... Mr. Krishna visited...Anil Kumble who is now going to...break the egg and...the leader of the opposition party...is hit on the face...which will now turn red in two minutes...during the zero hour...both the umpires...are fried golden brown.
We now end the news bulletin...by calling Dravid...to peel the
onion.

(J) Little Johnny

Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Johnny down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Johnny comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying.

Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Johnny is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before.

This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Johnny brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Johnny got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Johnny looks at her and shakes his head. "Well, then," she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?" Little Johnny looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

(J) Male Bashing!

Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...(both are equally dense!!)

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!! (Yea)

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions ..LOL!!!

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

A Touching Story

My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come
here and make your darling daughter eat her food?'

I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu
looked frightened.

Tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its
brim with Curd Rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her
age.She has just turned eight. She particularly detested Curd Rice. My
mother and my wife are orthodox, and believe firmly in the 'cooling effects'
of Curd Rice!

I cleared my throat, and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling,why don't you
take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice?Just for Dad's sake, dear.

Sindu softened a bit, and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'OK,
Dad. I will eat - not just a few
mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated.
'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask
for?'...........Oh sure, darling'....'Promise?'.................

'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine,
and clinched the deal.

'Ask Mom also to give a similar promise', my daughter insisted.
My wife put her hand on Sindu's, muttering 'Promise'.

Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindu dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a
computer or any such expensive items.Dad does not have that kind of money
right now. OK?'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'.Slowly and painfully, she
finished eating the whole quantity.

I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eat
something that she detested.
After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with
expectation.All our attention was on her.............'Dad, I want to have my
head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.

'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off?
Impossible!' 'Never in our family!' my mother rasped.'She has been watching
too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV
programs!'

Sindu darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing
you with a clean-shaven head.'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything else', Sindu said with finality.

'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to
plead with her.

'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu was
in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for.Now, you are
going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King
Harishchandra,and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter
what?'

It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'

'Are you out your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.

'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honor her own.
Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'

With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big
and beautiful.
On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my
hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom.She turned around and waved. I
waved back with a smile.
Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for
me!'

What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the
in-stuff', I thought.

'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a
lady got out of the car, and continued,' That boy who is walking along with
your daughter is my son Harish.He is suffering from... ... leukemia.' She
paused to muffle her sobs. Harish could not attend the school for the whole
of the last month.He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the
chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional
but cruel teasing of the schoolmates.'Sinduja visited him last week, and
promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue.
But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my
son!
Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your
daughter.'

I stood transfixed. And then, I wept. 'My little Angel, you are teaching me
how self-less real love is!'

*The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own
terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love..*

How smart is Your Right Foot?

Try this one....

How smart is Your Right Foot?
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying
at least 50 more times to see if you can out smart your foot, but you
can't.

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles.

Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so...And there's nothing you can do about it. If you say you
did it... YOU'RE LYING to YOURSELF .. because it CAN'T BE DONE... the
Mind is stronger then the foot..!

Make sure you pass this on to your friends...they won't be able to
believe it either!!
Have a nice day....

Value of a -

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

The origin of this letter is unknown,
But it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

Forward it to friends to whom you value.

(J) Ba's demise


A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of her daughters.

The body was very tightly squeezed into the coffin, with no space left at the sides when they opened the lid. A letter on top was addressed to her brothers and sisters.

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, ten packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of badam (almonds). Please divide these amongst all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also two pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American t-shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The two new jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta maasi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The six white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.


Please distribute all these fairly.


Love, Sushma.

PS: If anything more is required, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays.

Fighting Cancer


FIGHTING CANCER

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.


2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumours.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

12. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

13. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

14. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beefor pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains,seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans.
Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts)and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.


(J) Fishing Officer


A woman decides to take her husband's fishing boat out on the lake, though not to fish. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and settles down in the sun with her book for an afternoon read.

Along comes a fishing inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies (thinking to herself, "Isn't that obvious!").

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading".

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a report."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault" says the woman.

"But I haven't touched you!" says the man.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Monday, June 4, 2007

(J) Positive attitude/ How business is done

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything.
But your attitude should be positive

Saturday, June 2, 2007

(J) Why did Newton commit suicide?


Why did Newton commit suicide?

Here is the reason.

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the Bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!
Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang...the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!

(J) Tricks children use!!


A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he
has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science
will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to
know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

Great advice :P

You may not believe in this but the advice is great!
Read all the way down, you might learn something!!!

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, "I love you", mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight. //I do NOT n I won't! HMPH!! That's just CRAZY!

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who
don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt
but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want
to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great
achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. //:P!!!!

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake,
take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone.
The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY ONE.
Spend some time alone.