I'm a Goan woman, working in Mumbai as the founder of a studio called Totem Creative. I try to make the world happier, safer and more meaningful. I believe education, knowledge and awareness, art, writing and creating Social Impact are my means to achieve that end.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Diet health info

By Dr. David Joseph


Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And do remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What A Ride"

Thursday, October 25, 2007

(J) Public Urinals

Three accountants were standing at the urinals.

The first accountant finished and walked over to the
sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his
hands very carefully. He used paper towel and ensured
that every single spot of water on his hands was
dried. Turning to the other two bankers, he said, "At
Price Waterhouse Coopers", we are trained to be
extremely thorough."

The second accountant finished his task at the urinal
and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single
paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands
using every available portion of the paper towel. He
turned and said, at "E&Y", not only are we trained to
be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be
extremely efficient."

The third accountant finished and walked straight for
the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah &
Patel, we don't pee on our hands."

Recover Scratched CDs!

Don't you feel like crying every time you add another disc to your pile of scratched discs. Trashing that disc which contained your favorite songs, pics, files, games or videos is not easy. Read-on, if you find yourself wishing for a miracle every time your fav CD is scratched: Home Remedy : here's an easy home remedy, which might give you the desired results. Rub a small amount of toothpaste on the scratch and polish the CD with a soft cloth and any petroleum-based polishing solution (like clear shoe polish). Squirt a drop of Brasso and wipe it with a clean cloth.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

(NV.J) Santa gets fired

Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office Diwali bash party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some breakfast in front of him.

'Jaswinder' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an asshole,' Santa Singh said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did,' came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said Santa Singh.

'I did. You're back at work on Monday.'

(NV.J) Toast of the night

Scotsman John was spending his usual night in the pub with his mates. He hoisted his beer up in the air and said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, between the legs o' me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the nigh'!"

Mary raised her eyebrows. "Aye, did ye now! And wha' was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, aye, tha' is very nice indee', John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other nigh' at the pub wi' a toast abou' you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bi' surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I ha' to pull him by the ears to make him move faster."

(NV.J) Italian Nuns

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."
The nuns look excitedly at each other. "Oh my!" the first nun says, "I want to go back as Sophia Loren!" Poof! She disappears.
The second nun steps forward. "I want to be Madonna!" she says and - poof! - she's gone too.
It's the turn of the third nun. She can hardly contain herself. "I want to be Sarah Pipalini!" she beams.
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Er...who?" he asks.
"Sarah Pipalini!" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun takes a newspaper out of her habit pocket and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads
the paper and rolls his eyes. He hands it back to her and sighs. "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

(J) Meal cooked by Angry Wife

Meal cooked by Angry Wife

(J) New Car

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband..

Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... 'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'

Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought...

Friday, October 5, 2007

(J) The Lawyer

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer." This message was sent to you by Akarsha... gone with the wind again ;). To see Akarsha...'s profile click: